I wouldn't have thought it, but I actually miss blogging during the week. Sometimes I just think things that I want to express somewhere, but I don't necessarily want to tell anyone directly. Writing it in a journal just isn't the same, for some reason. Journals and diaries are where I write really private stuff, although I suppose sometimes the line gets blurred...you'll see what I mean soon. Anyway, below is something I wrote down in a notebook on Tuesday.

Tuesday, 24 June 2003

I am obsessed with my midsection. Several times (more than a few) each day, I raise up my shirt to look at it. I don't know why! I suppose I've always had a little quirk to amuse myself. When I was younger it was picking scabs. A couple years ago it was pulling out my eyelashes--which, luckily, I managed to stop before doing serious damage. Now I examine my belly. Sometimes, after a nice big meal, I lift up my shirt, see how big my stomach has become, and drum on it like a drumroll. Well, I only did the drumroll bit once, the other day, and it freaked my siblings out; my dad laughed at me, and I got embarrassed. I'm not embarrassed just to look at it, though; after all, it is mine. Plus, I rather like my tummy. Maybe I like it too much. As Thomas à Kempis wrote, "Boast not of the stature nor beauty of thy body which is spoiled and disfigured by a little sickness." Were I not rather afraid to overload myself with penances, I might make myself give it up. For now, however, I'll let myself keep peeking at my abdomen. Maybe I'll cut back a little, though.

Above I quoted à Kempis in My Imitation of Christ. This book has really helped me see that some of the things in myself which I laugh indugently at as foibles, or which I even halfway believe are virtues, are not at all good thigns to be cultivating in my personality. Indeed, Imitation strongly pushes an austere lifestyle, but when you think about it, don't we all need a little more austerity in our lives?